"Food Glorious Food, Hot Sausage and..." organic chicken?

My sister Ruth can cook.

The other day she told me that she had made three kinds of soup, a batch of spaghetti, and some chili. My stomach grumbled. I asked that she send some over, but alas she lives in Oregon. However, she said it was easy, really.

All I had to do was take an organic chicken, throw it in a pot with a lot of water, cook it until "you have nothing better to do", stop cooking it, take the bones out, throw in anyting that is in the fridge, plus barley, carrots, onions, celery, squash, spinach, garlic, and mushrooms.

Ruthie says that it is good for whatever ails me and lasts a long time - two weeks at the least.

Great.

She wasn't too far into the instructions before it became apparent to me that this simple exercise would certainly require a stove. For all of its hospitable amenities, the Tillery Garage on Knotts Island does not have a stove. Given the space limitations of the "kitchen area," the garage would, in all liklihood, never have one either. Such an addition would require the elimination of either the bathroom or the Harley Davidson motorcycle workshop. I knew better than to even ask.

What to do?

I headed 25 miles up the road to look at gas grills. All this talk about boiling an organic chicken had me starved for a completely inorganic rib eye steak.

My first stop was Home Depot, as it was the closest. After some casual looking around, I had three wonderful revalations. First, gas grills don't have to cost a lot of money. I set my budget at $300 (gas can not included) and actually stayed within it. Neat. Second, most grills now come with a separate gas burner on the side. That meant that I could grill my steak and boil an organic chicken at the same time. Wow. The third point was heaven. All of these stores now assemble the grills for free!

My now son-in-law Brad Elmer and I once undertook to assemble a new gas grill right out of the box at night by flashlight in the middle of winter. We were guys. We were hungry. How hard could it be? Nearly impossible, as it turned out. I finally completed the assembly in the spring, months after Brad and his appitite had departed. Throughout the winter and early spring, as I toiled away, I'd occassionally call Brad with revelations that I felt certain would be as astounding to him as they were to me (hey, Brad, remember that funny screw that was left over after we realized we'd put the upper assembly on backwards again...?)

Having set my budget, identified the necessary features (4 main burners, 1 side burner), I set out to find my grill. Those who know me will not find the following behavior to be out of character. I left Home Depot grill-less, headed across the lot to Wal-Mart, went up the street to the new Super Target, went around the construction fence to Costco, drove down the road to Sears, and finally marched into a Lowes store which I was sure had not been there two weeks before. In point of fact, not one of these stores had been there even a year ago.

Despite my rigid "I'm a guy who knows what he's doing, don't fuck with me" exterior, a pleasant and knowledgable sales associate appeared and, within minutes, had sold me a Char Broil Gas Grill (Commercial Grade!!!) for $299 (gas can not included.)

Two days later, I drove back up the 25 miles to Lowes and picked up my grill. Planning ahead, I had already swung by Costco and purchased $234. worth of steak, pork, and chicken, and everything else on hand that might relate in some way to a grill. I also grabbed a case of plastic freezer bags to store it all in.

Within the hour, back at the garage, the grill was unstrapped from the back of the car (I might ask for help, next time), the can was connected, and the tank turned on.

With the turn of a dial and the push of a button...

...woooosh…

I was in business.

Thanks for the inspiration, Ruthie.

Thanks to the rest of you for visiting.

Jack