Welcome…Back

It’s been years since I was in a small New England town at Christmas time. There is a thick layer of snow and ice thanks to last week’s storms. Beautiful. It is now lightly snowing again. Can my first snow angel be far behind!

A white Christmas is assured.

Last evening we went to St. Patrick's Church to hear a Christmas chorale. The church was packed, candles were held, children behaved, while adults sang and listened to the story of the first Christmas. It was as magnificent as I remember from so many years ago.

There are, however, unmagnificent elements to a pending white Christmas. Because of the snow, roads are several feet narrower, turning lanes no longer exist, mall parking lots are diminished, vehicles are salt encrusted and filthy, sidewalks are unshoveled, and, not surprisingly, tempers are short as the big day approaches.

I am a world away from Knotts Island, but I do feel welcome … back in New England.

I walked over to the coffee shop this morning. As I slid across the parking lot to the door, a young woman exiting held the door for me.

“Thank you.” I said with a smile.

“No problem,” she responded neither breaking stride nor looking up.

No problem?

Safely inside, I ordered a tall chai tea latte.

“One tall chai tea latte?” the clerk responded.

“Yes,” said I. “Thank you.”

“Yup.”

Yup?

My lidded paper cup shortly arrived at the other end of the counter.

“One tall chai tea latte,” said the young man.

“That’s me,” said I reaching for the drink. “Thank you.”

“Thank youuuu,” came the reply.

Thank you??!!

Who’s doing the thanking around here and how is it that so few people care to acknowledge that. We teach our children “please” and “thank you” and most emerge form childhood with that aspect of manners intact. But, what about the “you’re welcome”…back?

“Please,” “thank you,” and “you’re welcome” are part of a three part contract that enters our lives dozens of times a day among family, friends, and total strangers alike. You ask a favor of someone (“please pass the salt”.) The salt is passed. You respond (“thank you.”) The salt passer then completes the transaction (“you are welcome.”)

Done.

Somewhere along the way, the “you are welcome” part was replaced by responses such as “no problem”, “yup” or, the worst of all, the echoing “thank youuuu.”)

In the case of my door holder, she may have more politely acknowledged my thanks (“you are welcome”) then passed on the additional information she felt compelled to give (“no problem.”)

The clerk who took my coffee order was flat-out rude. To respond “yup” to a “thank you” is to dismiss the person completely. (I don’t care if you thank me or not, because to me you don’t exist.) My daughter Sylvia will laugh out loud here. Ridding her of the “yup” response to a “thank you” was one of my singular achievements as a parent. She has since become a worthy disciple and, as an elementary school teacher, molding more young brains than this blog ever could.

Finally, the “thank youuu” response to the “thank you” delivered to the young man who delivered my coffee. By immediately responding to my “thank you” with his own, he is saying that not only does my “thank you” not count, but he is trumping it with his own “thank youuu” thereby letting me know who’s really in charge (nobody’s going to thank me and get away with it!)

Yogi Berra once said that “you can see a lot just by observing.” Do some observing of your own and see what you come up with. Turn on the TV to a show that has guests or commentators (Oprah, Meet the Press, NFL Today, etc,) and listen to how the guests respond when they are thanked by the host. You will hear, “yup,” thank you,” my pleasure,” "thanks for having me,” and, of course, the greatest of them all, “thank youuu!!”

You may listen for days before you hear “you are welcome.” When you do, buy lots of whatever the show’s sponsors are selling.

Let’s bring welcome…back.

Thank you for visiting.

Jack